Relationship Q&A : Why Are You Single?

I can’t really pinpoint what made me decide to do a Q&A post today, but here we are! I fell in love with this post-style when I was doing the Girlschatseries with Daniella of Dateswithdanie on my former blog. I loved it because it made me connect with my readers on a more personal level which I’m always down for. Now I know the last Q&A was ages ago, and I can’t really tell you when the next one will be, but since we’re in the moment, let’s enjoy it. Today’s relationship Q&A is tagged the ‘single’s edition’, because I asked a couple of single people the reason why they are single and if they’d be willing to mingle!

I was actually quite surprised that we had more single ladies than guys, I’ve always thought it was the other way round. However, I was very impressed with a lot of the responses. Most of them go beyond just face level, they’re quite deep. Some actually made me laugh, so I really enjoyed writing this post and I hope you enjoy reading it too.

You’re probably wondering “what of you, you single?” You might have to wait till the end of the post to find out, because that’s when I leave my own thoughts.

So here goes…

Why are you single? By choice or because of certain circumstances? Also, are you ready to mingle?

Simi said: Choice. I love being in love, totally envy people in love. But I realised I needed to grow in a lot of areas in my life. Most especially having self love and being emotionally independent. I also have high standards, and I know I am what I attract, and if I want my man to have certain standards, I myself should live up to them. That’s why am taking my time to grow.

Emeka said: Money.. My sister.. Money. You people’s plenty needs…If I see the right person, Why not? I want someone who knows not to ask for ridiculous stuff at the moment.. Who understands it’s a process.

Fisayo said: Not by choice. The last person I met had great intentions for marriage that I was even like “slow down bruh”, but our genotype wasn’t compatible. To a reasonable extent, and to reasonable people.

Aidee said: Lol. It’s definitely not entirely by choice, I just feel like the right person has not come along. Anyone in Nigeria, the average female is ready to mingle because after school, the pressure to get married is utmost. But personally, I am.

Esta said: Choice and Circumstances. I just got tired of the entire thing and I saw that I was losing myself into becoming this perfect person, so I had to just stop and do a re-evaluation and it’s just taking time to get back. I think I’m ready, I don’t know, it’s frustrating!

Oyinkansola said: Well I broke up, my last relationship wrecked me. I want to mingle yeah, but I’m just scared, what if the next one turns out worse? what if it turns out he’s the one? You know that uncertainty…

Deolu said: Everything together. Yes I am, but heart of man is wicked.

Aisha Y said: A sprinkle of both. By choice because I’m still a work in progress and I need to fix certain insecurities on my own. By certain circumstances which is genotype. I can’t date a “forbidden” genotype because of love; because what if feelings grow deeper? I can’t afford to bring a sickle cell baby into this world. It’s cruel enough… I definitely am. He just might be lucky.

Aisha H said: Circumstances. When you have so much love in you and you want to share it with someone you truly love too but, at the end of the day one’s love, kindness and sacrifices get abused. After trying a couple of times, I think I’m already used to being alone. No doubt loneliness gets in the way, but then again religious difference sets in. My family won’t allow me settle down with a Christian, I’ve found 1 or 2 honest Christian guys but I just couldn’t go ahead because I know my family. Due to all of these, if any man comes around I end pushing them away.

Winifred said: I don’t even know, honestly. I haven’t seen him yet. Yeah sure.

Tife said: Choice. Or let me say both actually. I’ve decided I’m not ready for the emotional burden that comes with a committed relationship for now, plus the circumstances that led to the break down of my last relationship makes me want to develop my person someway. I don’t think so.

Seyi said: I’m single because I’m not married or divorced or widowed.


You have to agree that these were really amazing responses, I was actually expecting that I’d be laughing throughout but Instead I was analysing some of these reasons. There are so many things to actually pick out from here. For instance the issue of genotype. That’s one really paramount thing that we need to actually consider before we fall in too deep, because then it’ll become a struggle.

We also have the religious aspect of it. Should you remain single because your family isn’t going to accept someone from another religion? (Your thoughts?) How about the ones terrified of going into another relationship because the last one did some havoc to their mental health? Are they going to remain that way? I mean we have to protect our mental health. These were some of my thoughts.

Okay so I am also single, but a large part of the reason is by choice. In my previous relationship, I made some mistakes that I really do not want to repeat so personally, I am working on my growth when it comes to emotional matters, and being more sensitive. Spiritually, I am a work in progress, and there’s a level that I aspire to be with God which I’m still working on, so now if I’m to go into a relationship, I’d want to be with someone on that same wavelength.

Financially, I’m also trying to gather everything and work towards becoming financially independent. I want to be able to randomly spoil my man because he deserves it, not that I will become a liability and I’ll begin to question my self worth. I can’t really give what I don’t have, so it was majorly a choice to stay on my own and do some revaluation like Esta said.

Am I ready to mingle though? You know that feeling when you’ve been single for so long and you don’t know how you’ll behave when you enter into a relationship? That’s always my thought when I ask myself this question. So what I’ll say is I’m ready to begin the process, and take it slow.

Related: How Often Should Partners Talk and What Should They Talk About?

Over to you…

Why are you single? (That’s if you are) choice or circumstance? Let’s talk in the comments.

Have a great weekend and cheers to September!


31 thoughts on “Relationship Q&A : Why Are You Single?”

  1. Sigh, the single life- I don’t remember it too well (being almost 10 years ago) but I do know that I was single well before apps like Tinder and such were around. You all are stronger for being single in this day and age with everything you have to experience! I loved reading these responses- they were so raw and real. Thanks for sharing from a different perspective!

  2. I am married, but before meeting my husband I spent a year single. I was in a bad relationship and we broke up so I remained single. When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. I am glad I stayed single for that year. It prepared me. We will be married 10 years next June. Best of luck to all of those that are single whatever your reason is. That someone will come along. 🙂

  3. Very cool to read the thoughts of other people. I am currently married but before I was married I was single for about 2 years. I believe the time off that I took from any relationship was much needed and made me strive better in this relationship now. 🙂

  4. Nicely written! I am not single however I know of many people who are. There are a growing number of women who are choosing to focus on their education and careers before they get into relationships.

  5. I don’t think I ever been single. I guess, when you meet the right person you just know. Then work, money and other things you’re focussing on just turn less important. When you know, you know!

  6. I am not single either but so many of my friends are because they love their jobs so much. Those that felt accomplished eventually met the partner that just complemented them perfectly and are both happier for it. I think it’s amazing that you single ladies are doing just that!

  7. To be honest I don’t think that “why are you single” should have an answer based on two choices. I believe in finding the right person for you and if that didn’t happen yet that’s not circumstance not choice.

  8. I have been married for almost 17 years. But right before I met my now-husband, after a series of ridiculous relationships, I had to stop and reevaluate what I was doing. A friend told me to write down what I wanted in a person and in life and put it on my mirror. I didn’t put it on my mirror but I did sit down and decide what I wanted. I also decided that I was OK alone. When I met my husband, I was in a good place for a relationship. Good luck with whatever you choose!

  9. I’ve been single for a long time now. I dated more when I was younger, but my last relationship definitely made me put the brakes on dating for a while, and now I’m very selective about who I spend my time with 🙂

  10. I think we are single for a million different reasons. But I think our attitude about being married has changed a lot. And so we don’t think about needing to do it in a way people did in the past. I imagine in the past we would all have been rushing to be married.

  11. It was a long time ago that I was single. But I could relate to the doubt and insecurities that may creep into one’s mindset. Its important to stay focussed and move on I guess!

  12. I am single by choice and by certain circumstances. lol! I am ready to mingle but it’s just a bit scary to enter a relationship.

  13. It’s been a while since I have been single but I remember when I was single, I enjoyed living my life and hanging with friends and enjoying the moment. I didn’t think about the fact that I was single I thought more about the moments and meeting someone (which I did) would be icing on the cake. This was a great read!

  14. Taking it slow is always smart, especially when it comes to something as important as a relationship. I think being single a long time has its value too, and brings so much to a relationship because you know who you are after spending time alone!

  15. I have been married nearly 17 years now. When I was dating for a short period in college, we had no apps. But my besties think the new apps are all the rave.

  16. I have been married nearly 17 years now. When I was dating for a short period in college, we had no apps. But my besties think the new apps are all the rave.

  17. Great post! I believe being single gives a great time to genuinely learn to love ourselves and learn more about who we are and what we truly love. I was single for a few years before my partner in crime (going on 8 wonderful years next month!) Being single was a great time in my life and it prepared me for the great relationship I have had the last 8 years! Enjoy the single life!!!!

  18. I am no longer single, but I sure remember those days– about 12 years ago. I truly feel that its so much harder to date these days because of social media, and dating apps, hook up websites. As usual, take your tiiiiiiiiiiiimeeee getting to know someone, stay true to your values , and have fun!

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